I hated alcohol

 I hated alcohol.

Not because I was an addict.

Not because I blacked out every night.

Not because my life was “out of control.”

I hated alcohol because every time I drank, my body betrayed me.

At 31, I still enjoyed it.

At 33, I had reasons.

By 38, I had rituals down to a science.

I told myself I was a “social drinker.”

That wine helps me relax.

That real adults unwind like this.

That everyone needs something after a long day.

That was bullshit.

The truth?

Alcohol scared me.

I didn’t hate drinking.

I hated what came after.

The moment my body shifted into low power mode:

Brain fog.

Tight chest.

Flat emotions.

That dull, heavy feeling like life was happening behind glass.

Nothing kills momentum faster than numbness.

My first burnout didn’t look dramatic.

No rock bottom. No lost job.

Just slower mornings.

Then missed workouts.

Then cancelled plans.

Then silence inside my head.

I blamed stress.

Then work.

Then age.

So when I “cut back,” I was sure this time would be different.

Only weekends.

Only wine.

Only socially.

The first month? Fine.

The second? Still manageable.

Then it happened again.

Not hangovers.

Something worse.

I woke up tired even after sleep.

Motivation disappeared by noon.

I’d drink just to feel something again.

I started delaying real life.

“I’ll start Monday.”

“After this project.”

“Just one more week.”

I wasn’t relaxing.

I was avoiding myself.

Here’s what no one tells you:

When alcohol messes with your nervous system, clarity doesn’t disappear first.

Agency does.

My body felt… muted.

No drive. No edge.

No hunger for progress.

Just flat.

I tried fixing it the hard way.

More discipline.

More caffeine.

More productivity hacks.

Nothing touched the core issue.

Meanwhile, my habits were quietly wrecking me:

– Drinking “to switch off”

– Scrolling for hours after

– Shallow sleep

– Constant low-grade anxiety

– Zero recovery

My body wasn’t broken.

It was dysregulated.

Alcohol doesn’t announce itself as a problem.

It erodes you.

You stop initiating change.

You stop trusting your energy.

You stop believing tomorrow will feel different.

The turning point wasn’t a hangover.

It was waking up one morning and realizing:

I hadn’t felt clear in years.

Not once.

That’s when it hit me:

This wasn’t about willpower.

This was neurological.

Alcohol affects:

– dopamine

– cortisol

– sleep cycles

– emotional regulation

– motivation

Week 2:

Mornings felt lighter.

Week 4:

Focus came back — not forced, not hyped.

Natural.

Week 6:

Evenings stopped feeling like something to survive.

Week 8:

I didn’t think about drinking at all.

I just… lived.

That’s when I realized something uncomfortable:

I never hated alcohol.

I hated who I became with it.

If this story makes you uneasy — good.

It means your body is trying to tell you something.

Alcohol doesn’t ruin your life overnight.

It makes you quiet.

And quiet kills momentum faster than failure.

Don’t wait until numbness becomes your personality.

Fix the system — not the habit.

Your clarity isn’t gone.

It’s suppressed.

And it’s reversible.

Take the 3-minute quiz.

See what alcohol is actually doing to your brain and body.